August 29, 2006

Hello Everyone,

Here's a quick update. We had an appointment with a doctor concerning Gabriel's low blood sugar. The specialist believes the low blood sugar is due to his loss of appetite. He told me to watch for seizures (which he doesn't think he will have) and he is going to look into his case more.

Gabriel got a fever on Friday, but his ANC was high enough for us to be sent home after getting him some antibiotics. Saturday his appetite began to decrease more and on Sunday he would not eat at all. He has a cough right now; he could be fighting some type of infection. His ANC dropped from 4600 to 170 which means we have to watch for fevers. If he gets a fever we will be admitted to the hospital because his infection fighting cells are low.

He received a blood transfusion yesterday and he has more energy. He ate more last night. I have been giving him pediasure all day to help him. We are going to be looking at how Gabriel is doing on Friday. We are due for more chemo which he may not be ready for, and to be admitted for the NG-tube. The tubes keep changing, I know. If Gabriel hasn't gained weight (meet the 9.9kg) they want to do the NG-tube. They would not be able to schedule a surgery for him for a few weeks because his counts are low. They don’t want to wait that long to give him the support he needs. I don't want to wait that long either.

It's not something a parent would like to see their child go through, but I live with the heartache of trying to feed my son and him not wanting to eat. I mostly keep him in his chair trying to feed him, praying he will eat but the Chemo is hard for him. With everything that goes on with Gabriel tough choices have to be made. What helps Steve and I is discerning our emotions vs. what is best for Gabriel. We pray Gods will be done because we know He knows what's best for Gabriel. We trust God is taking care of our son. We submit our will to His. He is the only way to knowing what is right for our son.

I don't like the effects of the chemo, but with out it Gabriel could be dead. That's the reality we face. The chemo could kill him, but God is seeing fit that he lives. And if he must cross paths with death we know he will rest with God and not suffer anymore. We don't fear death, but we know it is God's will right now that he live. That he is a testimony of healing. All of his suffering is not in vain. We are going to share his story with as many people as we can. We see miracles with Gabriel all the time. A lot of children his age are unable to handle the chemo as well as Gabriel. He endures more, survives more and conquers more than even myself. His strength, Steve and I admire.

We don’t profit from his suffering. We suffer with him although what we have to deal with is not compared to what our sons endures in one day. Gabriel has been attacked most of his life. He has drowned and he came back to us. Then he was diagnosed with cancer. I have held my baby unconscious, feeling as if he were dead. I have seen life being brought back to him. That could make me a bad mother, but God keeps him alive. I live with seeing my son suffering and wishing it was me instead of him. As Gabriel’s mother I desire more to see God’s purpose fulfilled in his life. I am his advocate and I fight for my son. I don’t deserve to have a wonderful son and children as I have. But God blesses me with them everyday. It's as if God filled Adrielle's spirit with joy for our family, Justin gives us the energy to keep going and Gabriel gives us strength.

Gabriel belongs to God not me. We don't put our trust in ourselves, people or the doctors; we put our trust in God. We pray for him, we anoint him with oil, we intercede for him in the spirit and we’ve surrendered to God’s will. He is the only way.

Thank you for your prayers, they are changing mans prognosis, changing cancer research and bringing our family closer to God. The joy of the Lord is our strength. We still smile, we laugh and we thank God for our trials. We don’t deserve His grace, but He freely gives it to us. He suffered for everyone. WOW……

With love,
Angela